


Worries

by Lilly0



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SMAP
Genre: Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 14:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10515705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/Lilly0
Summary: Kimura is so strong that sometimes people tend to forget he has feelings too. Feelings that can get hurt. Shingo just never thought that he would be the one who does the hurting.





	

 

"You are so horribly skinny! It looks awful. I hate it! I hate how you look!" Shingo has basically blurted these words out. He does that sometimes, blurt things out without thinking properly. Normally, Kimura calls it one of his _charms_. But normally, Shingo is also saying ridiculously funny things then or is embarrassing someone. (There has been a time when Kimura-kun’s nicely shaped butt was his favourite topic – Well, it still is, but he has wisely kept it a secret from Kimura. He wants to stay alive after all. And judging from the daggers Kimura’s angry-dark eyes sent him the last time he has called out something like ‘Yo, sexy butt, looking delicious in those tight jeans,’ during a band rehearsal – sounding more than dirty – he is better off hiding his little Takuya-butt-fetish.)  
                                         
So, yes, he tends to blurt out things occasionally. But this time he has to admit that the words came out wrong and sounded a lot harsher than he actually meant. It’s only because he was so damn nervous and he was not thinking before he spoke up.

Shingo has never thought that this day could ever happen. But he could swear that Kimura’s caramel-brown eyes have a spark in them that he has never ever seen that clear before. Kimura-kun’s clearly looking hurt.

Kimura is so cool and strong that sometimes people tend to forget he has feelings too. Feelings that can get hurt. Shingo just never thought that he would be the one who does the hurting.

"Takuya-kun.", Shingo says and he is surprised at how gentle and careful his voice can actually sound. "I didn’t want-"

But he doesn’t get the chance to say what he _didn’t want_ , because there is a sudden ringing interrupting them, the instrumental version of _Moments_ filling the room. Kimura picks up his phone and leaves the room.

When he returns, the moment of pain in his eyes is gone; instead he has put this typical inscrutable smile on his face. The one where his eyes are not smiling together with his lips. The one he only shows when he is hiding everything he really feels. The one Shingo _hates_ with a passion. Because although he likes every way Kimura can smile and laugh, this smile isn’t real. It’s a mask, something Kimura-kun wears when he is seriously mad at something or someone or seriously disappointed… or seriously hurt? Kimura calls it _professional_ whenever Shingo complains about it. Shingo calls it _fake_. Normally, when he says that, it’s the moment when Kimura lets go of his façade and gets pissed at Shingo for being such a brat.

This time though, Shingo doesn’t know how to react to Kimura’s dangerous smile, because there is the uncomfortable knowledge that this smile is directed to Shingo himself.

"We should go to our rehearsals.", Kimura says without mentioning the incident from before. And the way he says it sends shivers down Shingo’s spine and goosebumps on his arms – unfortunately in a way he doesn’t like. The air between them is as cold as it is on a starry winter night right after the first snow has fallen and frost patterns are gracing the trees. An icy wind, with little sharp daggers piercing the air and catching your breath. That’s how cold it feels between them – but without the pretty snow around them.

 

~~~

 

The stronger you are, the worse it feels to lose control.

Shingo has always liked Kimura. Liked him in all his shapes and forms, with every little flaw he has. His caring, his sometimes annoying big-brother attitude ( _Why are you not wearing a scarf, Shingo!? It’s freezing cold outside, idiot!_ ), the short-tempered stubborn head on his shoulders, his warming smile that makes Shingo feel all fuzzy in his stomach, how he can change from dorky to cool to cute within mere seconds, his low voice… the way he moves his beautiful long fingers over the strings of his guitar. (If Shingo was a tad bit cheesier, he would compare it with the way Kimura-kun moves over the strings of Shingo’s heart, making it overflow with so much feelings that he can barely voice them. But Shingo’s not cheesy. No way!)

He likes his Kimura-kun when he is angry, his eyes sparkle darker than usual. And when he is happy, his eyes lighten up, suddenly shining in a warm, milk-caramel colour. Yes, even in the rare moments when he is sad and shows it, his eyes gets dim like there’s a cloud in front of them. And Shingo likes to be the reason the clouds get chased away.

Together, all of these little charms and features make this guy so fu**ing hot. Although he could do with a bit more weight, Shingo thinks with disapproval. And with all the work and stress, the spark in Kimura-kun’s eyes has gone missing. (Shingo hates Kimura’s schedule with a passion!)

 

~~~

 

Kimura is preparing dinner and Shingo does feel a bit guilty at the sight in front of him. He really is a spoiled brat, isn’t he? His partner is even used to making dinner for him. He approaches Kimura carefully from behind, his hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. But in the end he doesn’t dare to, he is feeling unusually unsure and scared of Kimura’s reaction. So he lets his hand drop down again and coughs instead to get Kimura’s attention.

Kimura half-turns his face into his direction, but keeps cutting the vegetables, before he puts them into an empty bowl. Knife and plate are lying in the sink now, ready to be cleaned. "What is it, Shingo?", Kimura asks calmly.

Shingo hates this calm voice just as much as he hates the frozen smile. But he decides that for now he needs to go with what Kimura offers him. "You know how awesome I think you are," Shingo says nervously. He doesn’t care if he sounds cheesy or pathetic. He just decides to lay it out openly, all of him and his feelings. "You know how I love every part of you?"

Kimura pauses for a moment, the features of his face tensing up by the sudden honest words. But he regains control over his face soon afterwards and continues washing the dishes. Shingo’s eyes follow his hands, thinking that they are wonderful. Long slender fingers, beautifully shaped. Soft, but still so manly. But then Kimura dries his hands with the towel, pulling them out of Shingo’s sight. "No," he admits. "I don’t."

Now it’s Shingo who is feeling hurt. What makes it worse is that he isn’t sure if Kimura really meant it or if he just _wanted_ to hurt him. Just like what Shingo, although unintentionally, did to him.

 

~~~

 

During the next days they are so busy that they hardly see each other. Clashing schedules, TV-shows, drama shootings. Part of Shingo is relieved about that, because it gives him time to think about what he needs to do. To be honest, he has literally no idea what to say or how to approach Kimura. The distance becomes almost unbearable for him.

During their next rehearsal, he feels it even more. The distance is almost suffocating him. Kimura-kun seems absent-minded too. The look in his eyes is something between angry and sad. He hardly talks, not even to Goro. And then, before Shingo even realises that the rehearsals are over, Kimura has disappeared out of the front door of the studio. The clouded look in his eyes still lingers in the room and Shingo feels angry all of a sudden.

 _Damn_. he curses. _No one’s going to hurt Kimura fu**ing Takuya_. To his surprise, he apparently has said it out loud because Goro and Tsuyoshi are suddenly looking at him through wide-opened eyes. _Oops_.

Shingo throws his head back. "Coffee.", he says. Mainly to confuse the other two even more and to distract them from his little outburst. "I need some coffee."

"With milk?" Nakai’s voice sounds almost too innocent. "Some _caramel milk-brown_ coffee?" He sounds soft all of a sudden. Only slightly Shingo wonders what Nakai actually knows. What he has seen and heard, what he has guessed. But Shingo has no time to wonder too much, because Nakai continues: "I’ve heard it tastes particularly delicious."

"It’s nothing for you to taste.", Shingo spats out non-chalantly. He is not kidding when it’s about his almighty KimuTaku and the way he can taste. (Shingo almost blushes at this. It’s been some time since his thoughts have been _that_ dirty.)

Goro coughs slightly. He doesn’t look at Shingo, instead he shifts his gaze away every time Shingo’s eyes are about to meet his. Shingo frowns. Okay, Nakai is one thing, but what the heck does Goro know!?

 _No one is going to hurt Kimura Takuya._ Shingo repeats these words in his head. Not even if it’s Kimura-kun himself. Not even if it’s Shingo himself! He will literally slap himself if he does anything to hurt him.

He turns to a very silent Nakai. "I’m such an insensitive prick.", he muses out of the blue.

Nakai stares at him with soft bewilderment, but he doesn’t seem too surprised. "Well-", he finally says and there is no teasing in his voice anymore. Just this earnest calmness – Shingo has already forgotten that Nakai can actually be like that. "Sometimes a person needs someone special to be honest and straightforward. Because then it means that the other is truly sensitive and cares for one.", he answers cryptically and pauses after that. _After all none of us were too thoughtful,_ he adds so silently that only Shingo can hear him. He sounds guilty, Shingo thinks. Like he feels he has let Kimura down. That Kimura would have needed his old friend during the last weeks. Months. Support, Nakai didn’t give him ~~,~~ because he was too busy and preoccupied with his own life.

Shingo thinks he should tell Nakai that it isn’t his fault, but he has too much to do with his own guilty feelings. Nakai needs to deal with his alone.

The weird mood is too much for Tsuyoshi, because he suddenly butts into their conversation. "What are you even talking about?", he complains.

"I want to go for dinner.", Goro says much to Shingo’s surprise. It’s not even an answer to Tsuyoshi’s question, it’s a statement. And not only that, it’s also an order. His voice is unusually firm and Tsuyoshi doesn’t dare to repeat his question. Shingo knows that voice. Goro always has this tone in his voice when it’s something about Kimura, when he doesn’t approve something that’s been said or done to him. A certain protective instinct, which normally pisses Shingo off. "We are going to have dinner.", he repeats with a strong voice. "We three.", he points at Tsuyoshi, Nakai and himself, before he stares at Shingo. For the first time this day he looks into his eyes directly. Shingo feels like a 14-year old teenager who is being scolded at for something stupid he did. "You’ll stay here. You need to practise the last song more. Apparently, you were sleeping during our rehearsals." He turns around, head up high, while he shoves Tsuyoshi out of the room and drags Nakai with him. "Maybe you should do that on the roof top! The air is fresher there!"

Shingo grins.

 

 

~~~

 

It’s cold outside. (Goro was right – one just has to wake up here.) He looks around for a moment, but his eyes catch the well-known frame of his favourite person immediately. He is sitting on the little wall, right next to the small cafeteria that’s closed right now. (They have awful coffee. Sometimes Shingo would like to send the whole recording studio to a coffee-class in Italy!) His feet dangle a bit and the heel of his right foot is hitting the wall every now and then. _Clack_.

Shingo is surprised, because Kimura looks so frustrated. He is holding a cigarette in his right hand and although it’s cold, he is only wearing a light jacket, sleeves only three-fourth long. (Shingo pouts. That’s something he would have gotten scolded for!). The left hand is massaging his temples, fingers moving up to his left eyebrow. Then he pulls out his phone, stares at it for a few seconds, typing something, before he erases the message and puts it aside with a deep sigh.

Shingo doesn’t move. He keeps watching his partner in surprise, until it finally dawns on him. Kimura is truly frustrated – most likely with himself. Because he didn’t avoid this ridiculous fight with Shingo, because he slipped out of his perfect Senpai-role, because he actually got himself overworked in a way that Shingo had no other choice but to intervene and on top of that he even said some pretty hurtful things himself. And he hasn’t been able to approach Shingo to make up.

Suddenly Shingo feels pissed.

"Could you let me be the one on the guilt trip!?", he spats out. "Just once!"

If Kimura is surprised, he is hiding it well, although he does startle when he hears Shingo’s voice right behind him. With a swift movement he deletes the message completely and hides his phone in his jacket. But Shingo has seen enough, there was clearly his name on top of the message. Kimura tried to write something to him. _Cute_. But Shingo has no time to dwell in that moment, because Kimura suddenly turns around. "Shingo?" He pulls an eyebrow up and squeezes one of his eyes a bit (A cute little habit he has. Even though he is pretty angry right now, Shingo still realizes it) "What are you talking about?"

"This is _my_ guilt trip!", Shingo demands. In his mind he even stomps with his foot to underline his words, but he has learned that acting like a baby won’t help him in real life. "I demand to be the one who feels guilty! If you want a guilt trip too, search for one yourself." Shingo pauses and breathes out deeply. Courage has suddenly left him. "I’m the one who is sorry.", he finally adds almost nervously  
                  
It’s all quiet for a few minutes.

"So, what am I allowed to feel guilty about?" Kimura asks into the silence that’s surrounding them. His voice is husky with hidden embarrassment, but also fond.

Shingo shrugs. "I’m missing dinner?", he suggests shyly.

"Ah."

Shingo isn’t quite sure what this _Ah_ really means. It could mean everything, really. He coughs. "If it wasn’t for Goro-chan, I would have never found you. Goro! Could you please not do that to me again? He is always such a pain when it’s about you."

Kimura just looks at him for a while, then he waves with his hand, suggesting Shingo to come closer. Shingo can’t hide a relieved smile as he sits down next to the other on the wall. He dangles his feet as well, in the same rhythm as Kimura’s. Finally Kimura continues. "Dinner, huh?"

Shingo smiles. He can’t help but feel overwhelmed by all the love he feels. Then a sudden thought hits him. He decides to gather all his courage. "You know what I think?", he asks with a shaky voice.

"No," Kimura answers, a slight surprise in his voice by the sudden question and by the unsure tone. He throws Shingo a worried glance. "What?"

"That you are unbelievably smart and thoughtful. Even when you are angry and scary, you don’t lose your caring. You are so perfectly beautiful. And strong. You are kind, caring, but still cool. You are hot…"

"Wait a moment," a very rare blush crawls over Kimura’s cheeks. "You don’t need to do that and tell me all the things you like about me. Though-" he can’t help a soft chuckle. "I won’t stop you if you want to continue this," he jokes lamely. But Shingo is very content with this reaction, a lame joke – that’s okay, at least it is a joke.

Shingo laughs. "Oh, that’s easy. I can continue forever. Wait till I’m talking about your full, soft lips. Your pretty and well-shaped butt and how it feels when I-"

"No, really," Kimura interrupts him, his tone is something between highly amused and a little annoyed. "It’s okay. You don’t need to do that." He pauses before he continues, voice earnest again. "I know what you think about me. What I said last week was mean and uncalled for."

Shingo snorts. "I told you, I’m the one who wants to feel guilty."

"Fine." Kimura huffs and gives in.

"I think you are always awesome. Your working schedule is just frustrating." Shingo admits. "I just don’t want you to… because of work… well…" he pauses. This is more difficult than he imagined.

But Kimura understands without him voicing it out. "I know. I won’t.", he says. Not more, just these few simple words. Shingo doesn’t need more. Kimura neither. It’s just not like them to discuss something like that forever, with lots of big words. It’s more important for them to know that they understand each other. Been there – done  that – misunderstood it – fought because of it. Make up sex?

"Maybe.", Kimura says all of a sudden. Shingo blushes deeply. He can’t believe he has said the last words out loud! Really, he needs to do something about this habit of his. It’s slowly getting a bit too embarrassing. He rests his head on Kimura’s knee. "Your leg is still too bony.", he complains. He isn’t sure if it’s okay to go back to being bratty and teasing immediately, but when he can feel how Kimura yanks his hair playfully, he has to grin. "Your head is just too big.", Kimura teases back and the old snark is almost there again in his voice.

Shingo feels all content with himself, smiling when he feels how the slightly cold fingers stop the soft tugging and brush through his hair instead. "Your fingers are cold.", he complains softly.

The frozen smile Kimura has been carrying the last few days is suddenly washed away from his face. Instead his lips are quivering slightly. Shingo can see how he licks over them as if he wants to stop them from shivering. And when he finally answers to Shingo’s last complaint he does it without a dazzling smile on his face, but with caramel-brown eyes looking at Shingo fondly. "I know."

  
 


End file.
